Why a Third Party is Good for Your Relationship

 “Jane, how long have we known each other?” Samuel asked with his eyes gazing into the vast sea right before him.

The breeze gently caresses Jane’s cheeks and sent strands of her long hair dancing to the rhythm of the sea.

“Three years and four months to be exact.” Jane replied catching a glance of Samuel before turning her head to face the sea right before them.

A stand-off

 

The windy coast of the eastern shore did not seem to jostle the mental stillness surrounding the both of them. The feeling was mutual, an air of lost meaning despite the memories of fun and laughter they had shared.

 

Jane still remembered how he caught her eye with his bright smile and that twinkle in the eye when he picked her books up in Borders.

“Psychology? This is something that I have no idea about as I always look at things in its most simplified manner.” Samuel commented as he handed the books back to her.

Jane was still mesmerized and blurted, “Yes, boring subject of my interest.”

Then it ran through Jane’s mind, “What contradiction am I muttering?  Boring subject of interest!?”

“I don’t know much about psychology but I’m good with technology stuff though.”

Samuel smiled and the rest was history with 3 years of relationship in the making thereafter, leading them to where they are now.

It appears the attraction has fizzled out after these few years and little is there in common to hold them together.

Or perhaps a third party is involved, complicating the things between the both of them.

Welcome to http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com , a blog that empowers you in the affairs of the heart, simply because ‘You are worth it.’

Ever wondered why relationships fail after a period of time? And has it ever come across to you why they failed?

The common reason given is incompatibility. But is it really so?

Perhaps we should take a closer look and get a better understanding of ourselves.

There are three stages of a relationship,

1. Lust – Physical attraction
2. Attraction – A deep lasting impression
3. Attachment – An emotional belonging to each other built on common ground or interest
    

Lust – Physical attraction that bowls you over and have you sexually attracted to him/her for that mere few weeks to few months.

Attraction – A deep lasting impression that carves itself into your mind that you cannot shake away, which lasts from a year to two and a half years.

Attachment – An emotional belonging to him/her that has grown its roots and stems in entanglement that leaves an awful collateral destruction should it be uprooted, i.e. breaking up with him or divorcing him results in an emotional void that is painful and made worse with a lost in common friends or extended family relationships. This attachment brings the relationship beyond a few years.

Now let us revisit Jane and Samuel’s 3 year relationship that is on the rocks. The lust came on and there was a deep lasting impression, which means they survived the first two stages of a relationship. However, they were not able to bring it to the next level either in time or because of a missing common ground of interest.

In case you are betting on the notion that it must have been a third party who interfered in their relationship, you are going to be surprised because it is not so. In fact, it is the lack of a third party in their relationship that crumbles everything to naught.

Had Samuel and Jane brought their relationship to the next level during the ‘Attraction’ stage, the common ground or the third party that will hold them together will be a marriage and a goal to building a family. Marriage is in many ways strong attachment but is slowly eroding with liberal values.

Drawing the analogy of a relationship using a diagram, this is how it will look like for a couple.

A single weak line

The above simple line is a structurally weak and can snap like a chopstick or twig.

Now compare this simple line to a love triangle below, which forms a close loop structure that serves to reinforce each entity within the equilateral triangular structure that is stronger and complete.

A strong triangle with equal lengths, equal efforts on all sides.

A relationship form on the basis of two persons is weak but is any 3^rd party good for the relationship?

For all you know, a triangle can be lope-sided too.

A precarious lope-sided triangle

An obsession with a career or with another person can be a triangle but fundamentally a weak one that will snap in time to come.

Remember the 80/20 rule applies in everything, same goes for a relationship. Your partner will always fulfil 80% of your needs and wants but it is always the 20% that you want to make your life complete. Some people look for an affair, some people focus on their careers and before they realise it, the 20% affair or career becomes the 80% of their life and thus put their relationship with their spouse at stake.

This is what The Dating Logbook has for you today so give some thoughts to the 20%, which completes you. This 20% may be your weakest link in your life for all you know.

For those who have just snapped a chopstick or broken a triangle, here’s ‘Dealing with Break-ups’, an article that will put you back on track.

Last but not least, remember http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com  is always here for you.

 

Your guide on the route to love,

thedatinglogbook

Will My Man Make it Big? Sex is key

“James, you make me breathless and exhausted every time we do it.”

 

Lindy gasped for air as she sounded off her ecstasy, a climaxing result of endorphins unleashing through the floodgates of her tired body.

 

“Isn’t this as good as it gets?”, James panted and flexed his muscles as he holds himself up with his strong arms while keeping his position in check.

 

“But why are we not having sex!!??” Lindy lamented.

 

Welcome to http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com , a blog that empowers you in the affairs of the heart, simply because ‘You are worth it.’

 

 

Dear readers, sorry to spoil your reading pleasure but James and Lindy are just doing push-ups to the stage of exhaustion in preparation for his upcoming rock climbing tournament.

 

So what does push-ups have to do with the topic, ‘Will My Man Make it Big?’ This article is a follow-up of “The Best Investment a Woman can Get”.

 

Success is Power

 

 Before thedatinglogbook begins, let us pose to ourselves some questions,

 

“Why are some men more capable than others? E.g. Men who build empires, businesses, become managers or leaders?”

 

“Why are there stronger men, who are great in sports or an ace in a trade or skill?”

 

So what sets apart one successful man from another?

 

To understand the relevance, we just have to think of how men think. Men are much simpler creatures because of the intensity and focus on the things that they do, such as chasing money in the form of business, gambling, investing or exercising in the form of sports and finally not forgetting, chasing after girls in exchange for the feeling of winning or the plain vanilla human nature of sex. Women on the other hand, think about just every single thing that both matters and matters not.

 

Men are hunters by nature, which is evident in the things they accomplish by history. Men love the chase, expending energy to something fruitful. This expense of energy can be to invent a machine, modify his car to achieve a faster speed, score a night with women or score a goal in soccer. However, it is important to know that not all men are good hunters. Some have a stronger urge, a bigger thirst to quench than others who are just contented to make do day by day.

 

The Basic Attribute of a Successful Man

 

‘Sexual energy’ or strong sex drive. I see dumbfounded readers who find this a surprise. A lot of people are expecting political right answers or model answers, i.e. he must be a thinker, he must be enterprising, he must be hardworking. My apologies but these answers are very surface and do not dive into the depth of understanding human psychology and men’s fundamental nature of hunting.

 

If you have a man who just wants to make love to you every single day and moment. Congratulations, you found a man who has the potential to succeed.

 

“My husband or boyfriend is demanding sex from me everyday but he is such a slob! Not hardworking or enterprising at all. How is it possible for sexual energy to be the basic attribute of a successful man!?”

 

Some of you may react violently in the notion of sexual energy being the base of success. Note, I mentioned, ‘potential to succeed.’ Sexual energy means the potential to succeed. Read on to understand another key criterion for success.

 

The Core Attribute of a Successful Man

 

‘Channelling’. Just like a waterfall or the strong wind in the air. Water and wind have lots of potential energy but they are not made useful and such power can wield devastating damages, e.g. like water eroding the hard rocks overtime or like the typhoon blowing and uprooting trees in its path.

 

Men harness such energy by creating windmills, or water wheels, channelling the energy to another place that contributes to a bigger purpose such as providing electricity to light up a town.

 

Success is not without a purpose and energy is wasted without channelling. Men who will make it big, understands the importance of channelling and visualizing. Edison failed thousands of times before getting the first light bulb that eliminated darkness. He channelled his energy into passionate nights of research instead of torrid nights of sexual escapades.

 

Men, who fail to channel sexual energy into something meaningful, become despondent and prone to addiction, such as sex or perhaps excessive gambling. Every time, he climaxes through sexual intercourse or wins a hand on the gambling table, this man receives an emotional release similar to achieving a goal. However when a man does not have a bigger picture or goal in his mind, his mind will constantly seek such repetitive simple but attainable pleasures that compounds into a feeling of achievement. More often than not, such habits impede a man’s success in other more meaningful things.

 

What can a woman do to make his man a success?

 

Look at James and Lindy, James’ focus is on winning the rock-climbing tournament but Lindy is feeling neglected in the bedroom.

 

 

Love and guidance is key

It is an emotional trade-off for women to have goal-oriented boyfriends or husbands because in exchange for their men’s success, they decide to play a supporting role and not demand massive attention from their men.

 

 In a way, if your man is active in the bedroom and he’s not making any headway in the career department, it is not entirely his fault.

 

Only the very strong men who know what they want will be able to channel their sexual energies to purposes. However, some men though sexually active are at a lost and thus for a woman who wants her man to make it big should help by finding a purpose for him and guide him to reaching his potential. The following Chinese saying bears some truth in shedding light on this aspect,

 

“先成家，后立业”

 

The English translation is ‘a family is form first before a career is given birth to’.

 

It is appalling to see some men being criticized by their wives and girlfriends for not improving themselves, especially when they love their women whole heartedly and put their focus, goal and objectives in making them happy, spending time and effort on them.

 

Fortunately, we can see positive examples, in communities or churches whereby the woman understands the supporting role of a wife and supports her husband in his endeavours.

 

 

In short, the key lesson here is ‘Channelling sexual energies’. If your man does not have a mind of his own in pursuing success then it is up to you to support and shape his destiny. Every man has the potential to achieve greatness but remember, it is his love for you that made him paused in his footsteps to success.

 

Last but not least, remember http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com  is always here for you.

 

Your guide on the route to love,

 

thedatinglogbook