Why a Third Party is Good for Your Relationship

 “Jane, how long have we known each other?” Samuel asked with his eyes gazing into the vast sea right before him.

The breeze gently caresses Jane’s cheeks and sent strands of her long hair dancing to the rhythm of the sea.

“Three years and four months to be exact.” Jane replied catching a glance of Samuel before turning her head to face the sea right before them.

A stand-off

 

The windy coast of the eastern shore did not seem to jostle the mental stillness surrounding the both of them. The feeling was mutual, an air of lost meaning despite the memories of fun and laughter they had shared.

 

Jane still remembered how he caught her eye with his bright smile and that twinkle in the eye when he picked her books up in Borders.

“Psychology? This is something that I have no idea about as I always look at things in its most simplified manner.” Samuel commented as he handed the books back to her.

Jane was still mesmerized and blurted, “Yes, boring subject of my interest.”

Then it ran through Jane’s mind, “What contradiction am I muttering?  Boring subject of interest!?”

“I don’t know much about psychology but I’m good with technology stuff though.”

Samuel smiled and the rest was history with 3 years of relationship in the making thereafter, leading them to where they are now.

It appears the attraction has fizzled out after these few years and little is there in common to hold them together.

Or perhaps a third party is involved, complicating the things between the both of them.

Welcome to http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com , a blog that empowers you in the affairs of the heart, simply because ‘You are worth it.’

Ever wondered why relationships fail after a period of time? And has it ever come across to you why they failed?

The common reason given is incompatibility. But is it really so?

Perhaps we should take a closer look and get a better understanding of ourselves.

There are three stages of a relationship,

1. Lust – Physical attraction
2. Attraction – A deep lasting impression
3. Attachment – An emotional belonging to each other built on common ground or interest
    

Lust – Physical attraction that bowls you over and have you sexually attracted to him/her for that mere few weeks to few months.

Attraction – A deep lasting impression that carves itself into your mind that you cannot shake away, which lasts from a year to two and a half years.

Attachment – An emotional belonging to him/her that has grown its roots and stems in entanglement that leaves an awful collateral destruction should it be uprooted, i.e. breaking up with him or divorcing him results in an emotional void that is painful and made worse with a lost in common friends or extended family relationships. This attachment brings the relationship beyond a few years.

Now let us revisit Jane and Samuel’s 3 year relationship that is on the rocks. The lust came on and there was a deep lasting impression, which means they survived the first two stages of a relationship. However, they were not able to bring it to the next level either in time or because of a missing common ground of interest.

In case you are betting on the notion that it must have been a third party who interfered in their relationship, you are going to be surprised because it is not so. In fact, it is the lack of a third party in their relationship that crumbles everything to naught.

Had Samuel and Jane brought their relationship to the next level during the ‘Attraction’ stage, the common ground or the third party that will hold them together will be a marriage and a goal to building a family. Marriage is in many ways strong attachment but is slowly eroding with liberal values.

Drawing the analogy of a relationship using a diagram, this is how it will look like for a couple.

A single weak line

The above simple line is a structurally weak and can snap like a chopstick or twig.

Now compare this simple line to a love triangle below, which forms a close loop structure that serves to reinforce each entity within the equilateral triangular structure that is stronger and complete.

A strong triangle with equal lengths, equal efforts on all sides.

A relationship form on the basis of two persons is weak but is any 3^rd party good for the relationship?

For all you know, a triangle can be lope-sided too.

A precarious lope-sided triangle

An obsession with a career or with another person can be a triangle but fundamentally a weak one that will snap in time to come.

Remember the 80/20 rule applies in everything, same goes for a relationship. Your partner will always fulfil 80% of your needs and wants but it is always the 20% that you want to make your life complete. Some people look for an affair, some people focus on their careers and before they realise it, the 20% affair or career becomes the 80% of their life and thus put their relationship with their spouse at stake.

This is what The Dating Logbook has for you today so give some thoughts to the 20%, which completes you. This 20% may be your weakest link in your life for all you know.

For those who have just snapped a chopstick or broken a triangle, here’s ‘Dealing with Break-ups’, an article that will put you back on track.

Last but not least, remember http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com  is always here for you.

 

Your guide on the route to love,

thedatinglogbook

The Apples Analogy of Singaporean Women

This post is an extract from my reply to the topic on AsiaOne forum,  ‘Singaporean girls, hot or not?’ . 

 

Singaporean men are not the only ones losing their women
I agree with some of the posts here that state the high expectations of Singaporean women. Education has in a way enable the independence of women and make them re-think the notion of happiness for themselves. There are more Singaporeans remaining single? We are not the only ones. Singaporean men are losing their female counterparts to Ang Mohs…. but there is another group of people losing their women to us too.

This article might be of interest,

Why More Singaporeans are Remaining Single?

 

Who is the apple of your eye?

Singaporean women are apples
I was talking to a friend who married his wife from China but studied in one of the two Singapore universities. She’s a 1st class honours in her course while my friend just did with a pass. He was telling me the merits of his wife, i.e. intelligent, feminine, gentle and thoughtful. A definite far-cry from most Singaporean women in the opinion of Singaporean men.

I spoke to another two female friends and asked them what do you think you (Singaporean women) have over the foreign brides and foreign women that Singaporean men are increasingly marrying and showing interest in?

They paused for a while thinking for an answer. One replied, “We are more educated.” The other one followed suit and replied the same way too.

Lots of thoughts ran through my mind and I was trying to piece the whole picture together. Then came the Apples Analogy, which was given birth to after a coffee talk with my married male friend…..

Picture this, Singaporean women are apples who compare themselves with rotten apples, the lowly educated foreign women who gets into trouble frequently sensationalized by the media, i.e. murder, breaking up families and etc….

I spoke to a few Singaporean men and they all agreed that Singaporean women should compare themselves to organic apples instead, i.e. foreign women who are highly educated, armed with degrees yet possess the feminine values of playing the role and responsibilities of a supporting wife.

My married male friend was even criticised by a female relative for marrying a potential gold digger, a typical stereo-typing of China Chinese women who are family breakers, money grabbers. My friend’s mum chided back the female relative saying that, ‘For your information, my China Chinese daughter-in-law is 1st class honours and her family in China is definitely more wealthier and more established than us.’

The above example and observation certainly gives light to how myopic or narrow-minded Singaporeans can get. 100 years ago, we Singaporean Chinese were also immigrants and it is saddening that some Singaporeans still hold a very discriminating look to foreigners who were just like their parents or grandparents when they first came to Singapore in the past.

Every woman in this world is beautiful. Singaporean women are especially beautiful to Singaporean men because they both share the same heritage and upbringing environment.

This is something worth reflecting upon. If you are a Singaporean woman, and you feel what I wrote made some sense. Perhaps, this article from the datinglogbook might be of interest to you.

The Best Investment a Woman Can Get

 

Stay tuned, I have been hearing women’s comments about Singaporean men’s dressing and their sloppiness. I will be touching on this topic in the near future.

 

‘The Dating Logbook’  or thedatinglogbook