Romance of the 2 kingdoms.
It’s an evening and the sun was setting with the autumn wind casting its wings on the couple as they stood at the top of the Eiffel tower. The chill in the air was warmed by the arms of the man, who held the lady closely as he guided her up the steps of the steel monument, symbolising the epitome of romance in the heart of the French capital.
As she breathes the air of romance lingering around her senses, she felt a rush of happiness, a fleeting moment of joy. “David, this is so romantic! Just look at the dusk that has coloured the horizon red! ” says the lady dressed in a matching beige woollen hat and jacket in exhilaration. Months of preparation and planning just to make this trip possible made David feel that it was all worthwhile.
“Jane, will you marry me?” David asked earnestly like he always does as he reached out to his pocket to reveal a little box with a diamond ring in it.
Jane cupped her rosy cheeks and looked exceptionally loved and cherished as she gasped for air. “David…,” says Jane. She had wanted to shout a ‘Yes!’ after the heart pumping moment that occurred right before her eyes. Yes, she had wanted to accept only for a fleeting moment. Then reality set in, the thoughts of commitment, lost of freedom and the burden of supporting a house and children all rushed in at once.
She paused for minutes as the dusted red sky turned dark while her mind turned bleak on the prospects of marriage. It finally ended with this question that stormed through Jane’s mind, “Would he push me off the tower if I said, ‘No’?”
And the final answer was, ‘Yes.’ David held her hands and jumped in joy, not knowing what was to come when they got back to Singapore. The eventual answer was a ‘No.’ and David’s ego was bruised like a crash test dummy as it fell off the tower to its own demise. This was a true account shared by a friend, and it shows how complex the emotions and decisions made by people when it comes to the crunch.
Welcome to http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com, a blog that empowers you in the affairs of the heart, simply because ‘You are worth it.’
This has led us to wonder if it ever made any sense for anyone who love romance and fantasy so much just like in the movies to pour cold water and reject what they wanted. Was it somebody else people really wanted or was it just fears and pains of marriage?
I wanted to illustrate the emotional high and joy of being proposed in an absolute beautiful setting, while contrasting with the true reality of what marriage brings about and how it affects the decision that brings the relationship to the next higher level or perhaps even breaking it entirely.
Fear is always in our heads when it comes to coming out from our comfort zone and venturing into the unknown. We have to acknowledge that this is natural and our minds are only responding instinctively to a problem on-hand, which requires us to either face it or run-away from it.
Unfortunately, most people run away from marital thoughts because of many reasons, which can be classified into fears and pains. In this age that we live in, the fear stems from losing something that we are comfortable with and the pain comes from shouldering expectations and responsibilities.
As you read on, you will find some of the points relevant to your circumstances.
*Note: Remember when in doubt, chances are you are being affected by a fear to a certain degree.
First thing first
What is it so scary about walking along the aisles with that special someone? First, we need to distinguish if your other half is the right One; this is something only your heart can tell. There’s a difference between, “He is someone that I can imagine living with and someone that I cannot imagine living without with.” the latter forming the basis of a healthy husband and wife relationship that can last a lifetime.
Even though modern culture pressures people to find a partner who can provide to our basic needs, which is sadly pegged to the minimum standard of living in whichever society that we are living in, we must remember that romantic love is a drive that has no reason, no logic. It’s an instinct that we feel in our hearts. If the other half is the wrong One, then there is no fear and pain to begin with. The reason being there is no urgency to drive you to the edge of taking the plunge into marriage. However, if instinctively you know he’s the right One, then all you need to do now is to clarify your thoughts by reading on.
Fear of Losing
We are selfish creatures to begin with, so let’s not talk about selfless love here even though it is noble and worth noting. The fact that you are here reading this article is because you want to gain something. If you cannot gain something, you want to make sure you do not lose something. My tone is harsher now because this section requires you to face up to the truth and not run away, leaving whoever proposed to you feeling dumb and absolutely lost with the runaway ostrich-in-the-hole attitude.
So go on to identify the following points,
The Fear of Losing,
1. Freedom
“Would I lose my social circle of friends and my usual life?”
2. Privacy
“Would I need to share with him openly on the intimate details that I’m only comfortable with myself?” i.e. in the bathroom
3. Space
“Would I have the room to spend quiet moments on my own?”
4. Time
“Would I be busy with what marriage entails leaving no time for a life I’m used to?”
5. Marriage
“Would I fail in one of the most important part in life? Perhaps I should not start a marriage for the fear of failure.”
Pain of Shouldering
Modern day living with busy and hectic lifestyles leaves little to no time for us. Marriage certainly adds on to the expectations and responsibilities on top of what your bosses, your customers’ demand of you.
Now that fears are over and done with, you are now ready for what marriage will entail,
The Expectations and Responsibilities of,
1. Finances
“Should our finances be open? Or should they be separated? How different are our spending, saving and investing habits?”
2. Extended families
“How do I deal with sensitivities of extended family members while maintaining my sanity and temper with my spouse?”
3. Child bearing and rearing
“Are we on the same page when it comes to children?” i.e. no kids or is it bearing now or years later?”
4. Spouse duties as part of tradition
“Am I bounded to the chores as part of my responsibilities?”
There are successful marriages around us to study, and it will be a good way to start calming your concerns by talking to people who are already in one. Once your expectations are levelled to what may come, it makes you better prepared.
Moving Forward
We have talked our fears and pains, now we just need to recollect our thoughts and press forward. In short, here’s what your action plan is going to be,
1. Start talking to your other half about your fears, get the assurance .
2. Talk to people in successful marriages and draw from their experiences.
3. And start flying away in a blissful marriage.
“Love is blind, but marriage restores sight.” Georg C. Lictenberg.
When marriage is slap right before your face, you get absolute clarity on your love, your courage and your steadfastness.
Last but not least, remember thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com is always here for you.
Your guide on the route to love,
thedatinglogbook
