Why a Third Party is Good for Your Relationship

 “Jane, how long have we known each other?” Samuel asked with his eyes gazing into the vast sea right before him.

The breeze gently caresses Jane’s cheeks and sent strands of her long hair dancing to the rhythm of the sea.

“Three years and four months to be exact.” Jane replied catching a glance of Samuel before turning her head to face the sea right before them.

A stand-off

 

The windy coast of the eastern shore did not seem to jostle the mental stillness surrounding the both of them. The feeling was mutual, an air of lost meaning despite the memories of fun and laughter they had shared.

 

Jane still remembered how he caught her eye with his bright smile and that twinkle in the eye when he picked her books up in Borders.

“Psychology? This is something that I have no idea about as I always look at things in its most simplified manner.” Samuel commented as he handed the books back to her.

Jane was still mesmerized and blurted, “Yes, boring subject of my interest.”

Then it ran through Jane’s mind, “What contradiction am I muttering?  Boring subject of interest!?”

“I don’t know much about psychology but I’m good with technology stuff though.”

Samuel smiled and the rest was history with 3 years of relationship in the making thereafter, leading them to where they are now.

It appears the attraction has fizzled out after these few years and little is there in common to hold them together.

Or perhaps a third party is involved, complicating the things between the both of them.

Welcome to http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com , a blog that empowers you in the affairs of the heart, simply because ‘You are worth it.’

Ever wondered why relationships fail after a period of time? And has it ever come across to you why they failed?

The common reason given is incompatibility. But is it really so?

Perhaps we should take a closer look and get a better understanding of ourselves.

There are three stages of a relationship,

1. Lust – Physical attraction
2. Attraction – A deep lasting impression
3. Attachment – An emotional belonging to each other built on common ground or interest
    

Lust – Physical attraction that bowls you over and have you sexually attracted to him/her for that mere few weeks to few months.

Attraction – A deep lasting impression that carves itself into your mind that you cannot shake away, which lasts from a year to two and a half years.

Attachment – An emotional belonging to him/her that has grown its roots and stems in entanglement that leaves an awful collateral destruction should it be uprooted, i.e. breaking up with him or divorcing him results in an emotional void that is painful and made worse with a lost in common friends or extended family relationships. This attachment brings the relationship beyond a few years.

Now let us revisit Jane and Samuel’s 3 year relationship that is on the rocks. The lust came on and there was a deep lasting impression, which means they survived the first two stages of a relationship. However, they were not able to bring it to the next level either in time or because of a missing common ground of interest.

In case you are betting on the notion that it must have been a third party who interfered in their relationship, you are going to be surprised because it is not so. In fact, it is the lack of a third party in their relationship that crumbles everything to naught.

Had Samuel and Jane brought their relationship to the next level during the ‘Attraction’ stage, the common ground or the third party that will hold them together will be a marriage and a goal to building a family. Marriage is in many ways strong attachment but is slowly eroding with liberal values.

Drawing the analogy of a relationship using a diagram, this is how it will look like for a couple.

A single weak line

The above simple line is a structurally weak and can snap like a chopstick or twig.

Now compare this simple line to a love triangle below, which forms a close loop structure that serves to reinforce each entity within the equilateral triangular structure that is stronger and complete.

A strong triangle with equal lengths, equal efforts on all sides.

A relationship form on the basis of two persons is weak but is any 3^rd party good for the relationship?

For all you know, a triangle can be lope-sided too.

A precarious lope-sided triangle

An obsession with a career or with another person can be a triangle but fundamentally a weak one that will snap in time to come.

Remember the 80/20 rule applies in everything, same goes for a relationship. Your partner will always fulfil 80% of your needs and wants but it is always the 20% that you want to make your life complete. Some people look for an affair, some people focus on their careers and before they realise it, the 20% affair or career becomes the 80% of their life and thus put their relationship with their spouse at stake.

This is what The Dating Logbook has for you today so give some thoughts to the 20%, which completes you. This 20% may be your weakest link in your life for all you know.

For those who have just snapped a chopstick or broken a triangle, here’s ‘Dealing with Break-ups’, an article that will put you back on track.

Last but not least, remember http://thedatinglogbook.wordpress.com  is always here for you.

 

Your guide on the route to love,

thedatinglogbook

Why More Singaporeans are Remaining Single?

This question, ‘Why More Singaporeans Are Remaining Single’ was posted on the Straits Times Discussion Forum for the ST article, ‘Pretty women likely to cheat’.

This is a good question asked and we can gather some answers by observing the society closer in details. I responded to this question posted by a reader in the forum. The reply was as follow,

 

Women Trade-Up

In this ST article, it highlights that women have a tendency to marry upwards or trade-up to more desirable men. From a numbers point of view, Singaporean women have the same equal access to formal education as Singaporean men, this situation is made worse with the ever-reducing pool of eligible men for Singaporean women. The reason behind this is that most women will pick someone who is at least of the same educational level as them or someone who is more successful than them. 

Stereo-typing of Singaporean Women

From an observation point of view, another reason why more Singaporeans are remaining single is by understanding the picture from the men’s point of view. This is evident by the ever-increasing comments and remarks that “Singapore women are just too demanding.” The nicer men will put it diplomatically as, “Singapore women have high expectations.” The whole picture is further emphasized with the increase in the number of Singapore men marrying foreign brides. We can see such news on the papers frequently. It is important to note that these views and opinions of Singaporean women are relative to Singaporean men.

 

Situation is not Unique to Singapore

 

Singaporean men love Vietnam beaches *pun intended* but they can be quite nice.

 

Why is this so? This is because the situation is not unique to Singapore. Vietnamese men are losing their women to overseas men. In the Vietnam context, Vietnamese women probably appear demanding or have high expectations of their marriage partner.

In short, fewer Singaporean women are marrying because there is a shortage of eligible men due to the trade-up tendency and fewer Singaporean men are marrying because the general perception is such that it is difficult to manage Singaporean women’s expectations.

Here’s an article worth reading from thedatinglogbook, there’s a section that describes the experience of a Singaporean who lived in Japan sharing the differences between Japanese women and Singaporean women when it comes to social etiquette and attitude towards men. It is something worth reflecting upon.

 

The Fishing Analogy of Love #1/2 – Fish Your Men the Trawler Way

 

  

Your guide on the route to love,

 

thedatinglogbook